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I wasn’t planning on posting again until the weekend, but something happened last night that I thought I would share since (as a friend pointed out) it directly related to my first post about the sacrifices that Vince has made to be a chef.

Well, we’re here today to talk about the sacrifices I’ve made for Vince to be a chef.

Case in point.  Last night Vince went to a past-due holiday work party.  Let me remind you that yesterday was Tuesday – a work day for me and I had class as well.  Vince knew that it was a long day for me – he knew because I had reminded him on Monday night.  This was the “of course go to the party, but please don’t get home too late because I have to think at work the next day and I need a good nights sleep because I’m a light sleeper” type of reminder/conversation.  He assured me that I wouldn’t even notice him when he came home.

This is what actually happened.  I got a text from him at 11:00pm saying “I’ll be home in half an hour.”  By 12:30am he still wasn’t home and I had given up on waiting to see him before I went to sleep.  I go to sleep and at 1:30am he bangs right into the bed.  I wake up, irritated, and then have a hard time falling back asleep.  I’m in and out of sleep until my alarm goes off, I get out of bed, play the t.v. really loudly, turn on the bedroom light as I get dressed, not take care to carefully close the cupboards/closet door/etc., sigh loudly a lot because I’m so tired (and super annoyed) from my lack of sleep.  And then during the day plot ways to get back at him – like buying these pillows I’ve been wanting to get for a while.  My dear friend reminded me that Vince would likely find the pillows comfortable so it wouldn’t be “getting back at him” really.

Now I know that to his defense, him and his kitchen buddies from work really can’t party on a weekend considering that they work every weekend.  I also know that this was an overdue party and they all work really hard, all the time.  And I’ll even say that this type of thing doesn’t happen all that often.  But I still felt that there was a compromise to be had that Vince completely ignored.

So tonight I put aside my childish passive-aggressive behaviours from the morning and together we relied on the strongest thing that our relationship had had from the very beginning – honest communication.   I told him how I felt about the lack of compromise (as in, “maybe next time you could come home a little earlier, and a little less inebriated?”) and him listening to me and acknowledging that he could’ve been more considerate of the fact that even though it was his weekend, it was my weekday (see here for more on our opposite schedules).

In the end, I had to remind myself that I make sacrifices as well for my husband to be a chef – both in terms of sleep on work/school nights, and time with him on a week night when I hope to at least see him before I go to sleep (when he may not be home early enough because he’s working late or having a weekday “weekend”).   So with our talk, and acknowledging the compromises we both make on a daily basis, at this point I can say he’s out of the dog house.

With love,

(a very tired) Chef’s Wife

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